


keep holding your head up

by folignos



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: transgender character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 03:44:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2798351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/folignos/pseuds/folignos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Duncs meets Brent when they’re seven, and his mother has stopped trying to force him into dresses for school.</p>
            </blockquote>





	keep holding your head up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [brandonsaad (createadisaster)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/createadisaster/gifts).



> i don't know if i want to be known as the dude who writes all the trans hockey player fic, but apparently it's what's happening, so.
> 
> disclaimer that duncs' experiences aren't mine, if you're offended by anything in this fic please let me know. warning for homophobic language.
> 
> come find me on [tumblr](http://toewses.tumblr.com)!

Duncs meets Brent when they’re seven, and his mother has stopped trying to force him into dresses for school.

They’re wearing the same Lions shirt, and Duncs grins at him. ‘Lions _rule_!’

Brent’s all scrawny long legs and big smile, and they’re inseparable immediately.

He’s the first person that calls Duncs by his real name, and he’s the one that persuades Duncs to stop listening when the teacher calls him Chelsea.

‘It’s not your name,’ he says one lunchtime, while they’re trading go-gurt flavours (Duncs hates strawberry). ‘So don’t let them call you it.’

Duncs nods, and tries to sneak his carrot sticks into Brent’s bag while he’s not looking.

-

‘Why Duncs?’ Brent asks, when they’re ten, and just about too big to be able to hang out in the playpark by Brent’s house.

Duncs shrugs. ‘Mom used to call my uncle that. He was in the Army. He was cool. He used to let me try on his helmet.’ He pauses. ‘He died.’

Brent nods. ‘Bet he was cooler than you are,’ he says, solemnly. Duncs throws a skittle at him.

-

Duncs gets his hair cut just like Brent when he’s twelve, so it’s falling into his eyes.

One of the girls in his class calls him a dyke. His mom says that’s a really bad word, and that he shouldn’t use it ever.

When he tells Brent about it, he scowls, and calls her a bunch of nasty names too.

No one ever calls him Chelsea anymore, not even the teachers.

-

Brent is his first kiss.

It’s kind of gross, too dry and toothy, and Brent’s as nervous as he is, and they break apart after a few seconds.

Duncs tries to keep a straight face until he looks at Brent, who looks vaguely grossed out.

‘Kissing is the worst,’ Duncs declares, and Brent starts laughing, and agrees.

-

Duncs gets better at kissing. He mostly kisses girls after that, with spiky hair and piercings in weird places.

It’s not terrible. He’s not sure he likes girls though.

Brent doesn’t kiss girls. He doesn’t kiss boys, either, though. Duncs doesn’t ask him about it, because he doesn’t ask Duncs about who he’s kissing.

-

When Duncs is fourteen he finds someone online who says they’re not a girl or a boy. They don’t use he or she, but they and them.

He and Brent are watching a terrible horror movie and fighting over popcorn one Friday when Duncs asks him about it.

‘What if I didn’t use she to describe myself?’

Brent crunches a piece of popcorn. ‘What would you use instead?’

He shrugs. ‘They?’

Brent looks at him. ‘Okay.’

Duncs cocks his head. ‘Okay?’

‘Yeah. Okay. Now shh, we’re missing the best bit.’

-

Duncs gets a boyfriend in his junior year of high school.

He plays the piano and likes video games and is saving up for a motorbike. He kisses Duncs like he’s the most important person in the world.

He keeps saying ‘she’.

The first time he does it in front of Brent, Duncs has to get in between them. Brent glares, but doesn’t say anything until Connor leaves.

‘Why do you let him say that?’ Brent says. ‘I thought you didn’t like it.’

Duncs shrugs.

-

Brent eventually punches Connor in the mouth.

Duncs kind of saw it coming. He doesn’t really miss him, in the end.

(‘You know, when I first met you, I thought you were a lesbian,’ Connor says. ‘But I mean, can you blame me?’)

-

Brent turns eighteen in Duncs’ parents basement on a Saturday night. They’re both halfway to wasted, sacked out on the sofa-bed.

They’re talking shit about what they’re going to do when they finally get out of this stupid tiny town when Brent rolls over and kisses him, soft and gentle. It’s light years better than their first kiss.

‘Um,’ Duncs says, when Brent pulls away, looking hesitant.

‘Sorry,’ Brent says. ‘I just. I wanted to. Sorry.’

‘It’s okay,’ Duncs says. ‘You can keep going. If you want.’

They end up sprawled together, Brent lying on top of Duncs, propping himself up on his elbows. Duncs has his hands locked on to Brent’s hips and his tongue in Brent’s mouth. He can feel Brent’s erection grinding down on him.

Brent makes an aborted movement towards the button of Duncs’ pants. ‘Can I?’ he asks.

Duncs pauses.

‘We don’t have to,’ Brent says.

‘No’, Duncs says. ‘I want to.’

Brent tries to unbutton his shirt, but Duncs stops him, puts his hands over Brents. ‘Can I keep it on?’ he asks. Brent smiles down at him.

‘Sure, babe,’ he says, the endearment falling out of his mouth easily, and moves his hands away.

The sex is… weird, and kind of uncomfortable, but Brent is really gentle, and he keeps kissing Duncs. It doesn’t last long.

Brent kisses him once more before rolling off. They lie there in companionable silence for a few seconds, and then Brent clears his throat.

‘Uh,’ he says. ‘So I have a confession.’ Duncs rolls onto his side, puts his hand on Brent’s stomach, props his chin up on his shoulder. ‘I think I’m gay.’

He starts to apologise. ‘Oh,’ Duncs says, and then pauses. ‘I think I’m a guy.’

Brent opens his mouth and closes it. ‘Oh,’ he parrots. There's a longer pause. ‘Do you wanna go again then?’

Duncs grins. ‘Sure.’

Brent reaches out and rolls Duncs on top of him, kisses him deeply. Duncs can feel him smiling into the kiss. He cradles Brent’s jaw in his hands and kisses back, nipping at his lower lip gently.

Brent has both his hands on Duncs’ ass, holding their hips flush together. Duncs feels the smirk, but before he can think Brent’s flipped them, and he’s pinned.

‘You’re a dick,’ he informs Brent, who laughs, and bites at Duncs’ collarbones before sliding down his body. He pushes the edge of his shirt up enough to expose his stomach, and he presses tiny kisses in a line down it, tracing the point of his tongue across the line of his left hip, then his right.

He looks up at Duncs before he puts his hands on his inner thighs, and leans in and licks at Duncs.

His hips jump off the bed, and Brent grins, puts his hands solidly on Duncs’ hips, and ducks his head again. His tongue is sending sparks up Duncs’ spine. He feels it pressing at his entrance, and he tugs on Brent’s hair enough to get him to look up. Duncs shakes his head, doesn’t trust his voice to be even if he speaks. Brent nods slightly, presses a kiss to his inner thigh, and gets back to work.

Duncs comes quickly again, hands clenching in Brent’s hair hard enough to make him yelp.

‘Sorry,’ he says. Brent scoots back up to kiss him again.

'It's okay,' he says, grinning. 'You good?'

'Yeah,' Duncs says. 'So good.'

Brent nods, thoughtful. 'Wanna be my boyfriend?' he asks, rests his chin gently in the dip of one of Duncs' collarbones.

'Yeah,' Duncs says again. He brings his hand up to card it through Brent's hair. 'I guess that would be okay.'

-

Brent's grinning at the camera when Duncs picks up the skype call. 'Hey babe,' he says.

He's spent the semester growing a beard. It looks good on him.

'I got a surprise for you,' Duncs says. He's wearing a loose hoody, zipped up to his collarbones, and he angles his laptop screen down a little before unzipping it to show his bare chest, and the white scars knotted across the bottom of his pecs. 'I'm finally all healed up,' he says. 'Gonna come see you this weekend.'

Brent lights up. 'I missed you,' he says. 'You look good.'

'I missed you,' Duncs says. 'I'll see you Friday.'

Brent presses a kiss to his finger and then the screen before hanging up.

Duncs grins.

 


End file.
